All of us have had to reconcile when things didn’t go our way and sometimes that is more important than getting what we originally wanted. Somewhere in our past as children we learned that crying or pouting might just get us that candy bar in the store from Mom. The memory is still there and the urge to try this strategy as adults almost never seems to go away, but it does become less effective as we grow older. Let’s face it… more often than not things don’t go our way. Here’s how to thrive regardless of the outcome to our expectations.
If anything can go wrong, it will… – Murphy’s Law
It’s okay to poke fun at ourselves about it. Maybe occasionally we all need to sneak off and have a private temper tantrum. Yet one of the most respectable things is to see someone handle misfortune gracefully. Grace isn’t about suppressing heart-ache or failure. It is about being present and honest about being let-down while holding our dignity. That’s why we always love stories about the underdog becoming triumphant and how we can empathize when they are not.
Love Louder
Many years ago my dear friend, Al was diagnosed with cancer. The doctor told him to enroll hospice care because he only had 6 months to live. In response he decided to ask the woman he loved to marry him. They began planning the wedding instead. After the honeymoon he went in to see his doctor and the cancer was in full remission!
He told me this story about 10 years later when his cancer had returned to claim his life. He refused chemotherapy because he didn’t want to have a war going on in his body. Instead he was open to what the cancer had come back to teach him.
He stayed at home during his last months, surrounded by friends until his final breath. The whole community took turns doing the hospice work with him. I volunteered and it was the first time I experienced hospice work. His body withered but he kept his spirit high. One night I jokingly asked him if he could play the part of a dying man for just a minute. He said that was the best joke he heard all day. He told me:
10 years ago when cancer threatened me, I chose to love louder and it scared the cancer away. If it is coming to take me this time I will have had the last laugh because look at this wonderful party and all my friends coming every day to be with me.
He passed later that month. He must still be smiling because his wisdom continues to inspire everyone who knew him. He was such a great example of grace in hard times. We’ve heard, “It is the journey not the destination” or “it’s not about winning or losing it’s about how you played the game” and so many other sayings. Seeing a friend embody this wisdom was a profound experience in my life. He stayed present and full of joy until the very end.
Consciously Choosing Love over Fear
Right now our global community is waking up to the reality that there are potentially catastrophic changes coming to all of us due to climate disruption. With a massive story of unfavorable outcomes on the horizon we are being called more than ever to embody the spiritual wisdom that invites us to remain present, to love fearlessly, and cultivate compassion. This collective evolution in consciousness may reveal a blessing in disguise.
…it is possible to be at peace if you pierce through our false reality, which is based on the idea of life and death, to touch the ultimate dimension in Buddhist thinking, in which energy cannot be created or destroyed. By recognising the inter-connectedness of all life, we can move beyond the idea that we are separate selves and expand our compassion and love in such a way that we take action to protect the Earth. – Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh
We have so many quotes and parables from the sages and mystics throughout time. Yet today we have contemporary voices echoing the same wisdom. Author Naomi Klein has been showing us that our current political and environmental crises may be a great opportunity to take a look at things that are not working and change our course in history. Epigeneticist, Bruce Lipton has illuminated how our cells respond differently to fear than they do to love. By adjusting our perspective, we can shift our biology and the world around us..
To the work you own the right, but not to the results thereof. – First Tenant of Karma Yoga, Bhagavad Gita Chapter 2 Verse 47
Happiness is Letting Go of Outcomes
Stress is almost always the result of fear and worrying about outcomes. Peace of mind almost always arises when we can be fully present in the moment. If we make now the destination then we will find that we are already here. Outcomes in the future will mean a whole lot less if we can remain grounded here and now. Right action is its’ own reward, we don’t need to chase dangling carrots.
Setting expectations lower allows us to enjoy the process of life as it unfolds. When we recognize and accept that we can’t control outcomes, we liberate ourselves. We can observe, witness, and respond as circumstances arise but clinging to plans and expectations doesn’t usually end well. Relinquishing control is an act of trust in yourself. You have the ability to adjust to whatever arises, even if it isn’t what you had hoped for.
We might not have this world as we know it forever but right now the sun is still rising every morning. We have so much that we overlook when we are always obsessing about the future. The solutions we seek may just present themselves effortlessly if we can become fully present and receptive in the moment. If the world ends tomorrow what will it matter if we didn’t take the time to enjoy it today?
